Dear Portlander;Hold your head up high! I don't know how you've avoided the fact that Labyrinth, that wonder of Muppets, Jennifer Connelly, and David Bowie's crotch, is running at the Hollywood Theatre in a new 35mm print, but it's true! I went to see it with my own eyes, and it was just as wonderful as I had hoped it would be. However, I was a slightly disturbed to find that there were a lot of children in the theatre, since David Bowie's crotch frequently takes up the whole screen. Sometimes, a muppet is talking to directly to it. Here are some questions that you might enjoy looking at the answers to.
Q. Where have I heard that whole "You remind me of a man. What man? The man with the power" business before?
A. You haven't, but it was an old vaudeville bit Cary Grant, Shirley Temple, and Myrna Loy enjoyed in the film "The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer".
Q. Do you know the scene with the cleaners, where Hoggle's voice changes for no reason and sounds exactly like Harrison Ford? Do you think that George Lucas allowed them to sample the line from Star Wars?
A. Yes. I think so. I have no proof of this.
Q. Who made the stupid baby-gurgle noises in the same "Magic Dance" song?
A. Dame David Bowie had to, because the baby they brought him was of the non-gurgling type.
Q. Are you obsessed with the Magic Dance song?
A. Yes.
Q. Did you realize that Sarah invented cosplay at the beginning of this film?
A. No, I sure didn't! Thanks for pointing that out!
Q. If you buy the David Bowie as Jareth figurine, how do you prevent him from losing his crystal Michael Moschen juggle-ball?
A. I had to glue mine on.
Q. What does the little elf-person who turns Sarah's marked tile over say?
A. "Your mother is a freaking aardvark!"
Q. Is Labyrinth still the best movie featuring David Bowie and Henson's Creatures?
A. You bet your glittery, felt-covered muppet ass! Get out and see it!
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