Number 1 Crush!

Have You Seen This Boy?

Everybody has one, their first painful, awful, wonderful, unrequited crush? Right? Anyone? This is mine,Jeremy Schwartz. This is his picture from our Junior High yearbook, where he was voted Funniest Boy. He was active in drama and was a generally hilarious guy. I had never met a hipster before, and I liked him so much that I talked like a retarded crazy person every time we met. I literally made no sense. I know a lot of you are saying; "But how could you ever be socially awkward?" but believe me when I say: Late bloomer. Something about being raised in a basement by a man who had no friends kept my social skills weak. When the day came that I asked a friend of his what he thought of me, I was only mildly surprised to get the answer, "He's pretty creeped out, and finds you stalker-y." This did not dissuade me from planning to name our first child Echo Schwartz, after the lead singer of Echo and the Bunnymen*.

Fast forward twenty years, and I found his name in an IMDB listing for the fantastic, doomed, Strangers with Candy, and dropping Viper-related wisdom on Sopranos, and I was thrilled to when Tivo fished him out of an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger as a snitch named Nicky. Spouse was vaguely horrified to see that I was looking at an episode of W,TR, and then said flatly, "Oh. It's the guy from the yearbook." When I heard him speak his lines, telling Chuck Norris' friends that he would tell them anything to stay out of prison, I time-traveled back to 1987. I have maximum respect for his pursuit of his art, and I am so knocked out by some of the credits he's racked up, I wanted to post his first dedicated fan page here, in an attempt to spice up his Google search.

*Don't write to correct me when I'm quoting Young Ones.