Kalama Calamity

Actually, it was not a calamity at all. I had a very fun time doing comedy Saturday night for a capacity crowd at a combination tavern/pizza place. I co-featured with the very funny Nathan Brannon, opening for Ron "Cornhusker" Osbourne.

I am really only posting to display this amazing piece of bar art, a light-up lamp of Spuds MacKenzie that I spent most of my time not on stage trying to plot its escape from Kalama. Did you know that the character actor who portrayed Spuds was really named Honey Tree Evil Eye? I love Wikipedia. And I think all the best sculptures light up.

The Girl Can't Help It.

I've tried to resist posting this for a couple of days, because I don't necessarily think that a blurry Youtube box makes for a compelling post, but I just think that having it on my website will improve my quality of life. I ran across the handsome and talented Mr. Julian Barratt in a kind of stupidly surreal ad for UK wine coolers, including a fake Frida Kahlo and an eyepatch of dubious necessity. Boosh lovers, enjoy. The third season of the show is available for pre-order on Amazon.co.uk

P.S. Thanks to "Eagle Eye" Cooper for correcting my crude mis-spelling. I have only been out of the penitentiary for a little while.

Getting Squirrelly in Kennewick

I just spent three delightful days in the Kennewick/Richland/Pasco area, doing comedy at Joker's, opening for the fantastic Susan Rice. More importantly, I found this 50's era rubber squirrel lamp. Here he is in his native habitat: in an antique store, between clackity teeth and a jeweled coin purse.
Spouse thinks he might be a bootleg/miscolored Flower, the twitterpated skunk from Bambi, which might increase its resale value by as much as fifty cents.

Here is the squirrel lamp "in action", having been viciously trapped and relocated to my house in Portland.

Radiohead covers The Headmaster Ritual

I found this clip today and wanted to share it. I've never seen Radiohead have as much fun as they do recording a Smiths song about corporal punishment. I love them both.

I hear from my favorite Smiths cover project, San Francisco's This Charming Band, that they might play the Crystal Ballroom in March, which I will certainly post about here.

Crib notes for my favorite readers: Mom, do you remember when Laura was all about the Quiffed Man, Morrissey? He's the lead singer of the Smiths.

Peet: Despite what you've been told, Robert Smith is *not* the lead singer of the Smiths.

Thinking on Canadian Goth

In the throes of postholiday depression, I was just remembering the majesty of Claude Tanner's pre-suicide poem on Degrassi High. If Caitlin hadn't slapped him, maybe now the actor David Armin-Parcells wouldn't be a washed-up Canadian child star working as a wine buyer in Troy, Michigan, and he'd be able to participate in the Next Generation Degrassi with Snake and Spike and the gang. Let's take a moment to remember, shall we?

Autumn Leaves

Dying Leaves

Season of DEATH!

When winds blow cold

Thoughts of death creep in as I sleep

I dream I'm in a coffin

Safe from the life I don't want to lead

I'm not afraid

Soothing, black and warm

SOOTHING, BLACK, and WARM!

Safe from the pain

And safe

From the fools

Safe, soothing, black.

Happy New Ears!

We had a Snickers fun-sized party in San Francisco in our hotel for New Year's and had a great time with friends old and new, but I still have some questions that I am hoping someone can help me with:

1. Who got the broccoli into the overhead light fixture? Follow up question: How?

2. Why would you use vodka as a mixer for vodka? That's trouble!

3. How did Tommy split his lip on Jenner's boot?

4. Why would a grown man yell expletives out the window on a holiday?

5. Why were my husband's New Year kisses lavished on a new friend named Tater Tot?


I was proud to throw up in the historic Fairmont hotel, where scenes in Vertigo were set, and across the street from the Top of the Mark, where my grandma Virginia went to celebrate her wedding some 62 years ago.


We also visited the Hyatt Regency, which was used in the filming of the Vertigo parody High Anxiety.

The Year In Review: Last year, my New Year's Resolution was to Kick More Ass, which I think I achieved. This year, my goal is not to concern myself with people who don't think I'm awesome. Life's too short, and frankly, I only have so much awesome to go around anyway.


All in all, San Francisco was two tons of fun. We enjoyed SFMoma, hanging out with new San Franciscans Pete and Alex, lost Portlanders John Graham and Kyle from Satyricon, walking uphill at 90 degree angles, overdosing on Goth Loli in Japantown, the fantastic company of the Chongs, a show by the world's finest Smiths cover band, This Charming Band, and two of their fan clubs, the Choir Boys and The Moz Crew. They were supported by Spellbound, a Siouxie and the Banshees cover project ably fronted by a former member of Rasputina.

Still and all, I'm sorry that my first post of the year does not contain much for my mother to be proud of.