Comedy at the Bagdad!

Last night, I had a lovely chat with Paul Jay and Dan Dominguez, and I told them that I would expose my massive 15-person readership to their gig tonight at the Bagdad Theatre. These guys have been ruling El Lay and touring the states with their comedy, and you can see them for the low, low price of $5 American, the price of a Venti Latte or a gallon of gasoline! This show is being put up by Andy Wood's amazing Bridgetown Comedy brand: "Every Show Has A Quality". The very funny and very large Oregon native Matt Braunger is also performing- he has recently had word that he will joining the cast of Mad TV next season, which I responded to in the following order:

1. Mad TV is still on the air?
2. Awesome! I'm so happy for Matt Braunger, it couldn't happen to a funnier or nicer gent.
3. Crap! Am I gonna have to watch Mad TV now?



It was a fantastic show, of course! And I got to chat with Dan Dominguez, who is not only terribly funny but also knows my brother in San Diego. Earlier in the evening, I had dinner with some nice ladies who are friends with my sister in New York. Now, this would all seem like amazing coincidence if my family weren't a multi-limbed tree of Irish Mormonism.

Cuter than Cute!

moar funny pictures

What happens when the world's cutest graphic novelist meets one of the world's cutest animals? I don't know, but it's...cute!

Blessings Counted!

I know that there are always days when one says to oneself, what if I had done things differently? Would my life be better? Would I be happier? Everyone does this, even Steve Martin. However, I submit to you evidence that things could be a lot worse.

Magical Moments

Today I found a used hypodermic needle in my lavender bushes, which I thought about not touching, but wanted to photograph to show you people. If I die from touching a dirty hypodermic needle, I'll get Beloved Spouse to update the blog so you know for sure not to do it. A couple of years ago I found 200 rounds of live ammunition in my lavender bush, and at least this time I didn't have to call the po-po. Usually I just find empty beer cans and fortified wine bottles in the bushes. Perhaps the bushes themselves have a drug, alcohol and violence problem. I guess Creston's still in transition, but at least we have 500 coffeeshops and our own Safeway!

Bowie vs. Prince

I joined a Pedalpalooza event for the Bowie vs. Prince ride on Friday night. The idea is that a bike ride cruises around and occasionally stops to drink and dance to a biked sound system. I decided to express with my outfit the question, "what if the harlequin from Scary Monsters was really just a big-boned gal in a bike helmet?" The fantastic DJ Rhienna was also in attendance. Rhienna rocks the Old Gregg leggings I sold her from this very website!

Beloved spouse in an amazing get-up

It was fun, although the music that started as very Bowie and Prince and quickly devolved to generic hip-hop, and I had hoped to see more awesome outfits. I did see 300 hipsters, 1000 cans of PBR, and about 80 helmets! There was a Screaming Lord Byron in attendance, and inexplicably, a Michael Jackson.

Strange things yelled at me on my bike:

1. Hey, do you have twenty dollars? Well, do you?

2. Hey! Your face!

3. Hi Virginia Jones! (not so strange, really)

300 people in the Safeway parking lot-like a flash mob, but more shambly and random.

We visited the bran' spankin' new Eastside Voodoo Doughnut, for those of us too drunk or lazy to go downtown to get one. Thank you, Jebus!
In the end, it is clear that Portland's sympathies lie with the Thin White Duke and not the Purple One, but it was close. Prince is still the universal #1 artist that drunk girls request at parties.

Mind Explosion!

It's Pedalpalooza in Portland, a fortnight of bike-related events that I had forgotten about until I left Harvey's on Saturday at midnight to be greeted by a peleton of naked bikers. The two road comics I was working with were very impressed by the display, as I commented, oh, it's naked bike ride time again already. Craigslist Missed Connections was also pretty active the next day, although suitors had to be fairly observant about bike makes, colors, and models, since "you were naked, so was I" did not really narrow the field.

Sensing the impending good times, my back wheel exploded Tuesday morning. Beloved Spouse took it into the shop, and said they were impressed by the level of metal fatigue/failure that caused the rim to curl away from the wheel. He called and said:

B.S.: There's a fifty dollar wheel available, and also one that's $250, which is more than we spent for your bike.

Me: Well, the wheel that exploded was $150, and served me well for three years and about seven thousand miles, and never needed truing- so I'd like to get the higher-end wheel. If it outlasts the frame, I'll make a tall unicycle out of it and keep riding.

B.S.: Of course, there's also the fifty dollar one.

Ah marriage!

Don't Be Scairt!

By the kicking of some bums, something wicked this way comes...It's Friday the 13th, made particularly spooky because it's horror writer and Darkhorse employee Jemiah Jefferson's birthday, and also because through some sort of horrible accident, I'm hosting at Harvey's comedy club this Saturday and Sunday! It's co-headliner week, so I am working with the very funny Kevin Avery and Dave Burleigh- come on down and check us out, eat some nachos, it's a good time generally...
In a postscript, I have been alerted that there is a clip of me available on Comcast On Demand, so you can be annoyed by my comedy in the privacy of your own home!

Violent Memes

more graph humor and song chart memes

It's A Moral Conundrum

I spent last weekend doing comedy at Mak's Old City Hall in Coos Bay, OR, (every Friday and Saturday at 8, new comics every weekend!) and on a beautiful Saturday morning I awoke, refreshed by the sound of highway traffic that had filled my motel room for 8 hours, and took a little jog around the neighborhood. I found a picturesque park with a pond in it behind 10th street, and then I met a goose. He was hissing at the sky, and I thought, something in the sky has pissed this goose off, because I am not as bright as I could be in the morning. Then I realized that I had pissed the goose off. I started running from the goose, at first lightheartedly, and then sincerely and with a certain amount of panic. I told him I had no interest in his eggs, but he kept after me, hissing and snapping, for a good 15 yards. This brings me to my conundrum: as a vegan, and in the interest of self-defense only, is it still within my rights to punch out a goose?

Postscript: LCS showcase finalist Andy Haynes advised that the best route might in fact be be to put a boot in a goose's caboose- again, humanely and in self-defense only.

But That's Not My Point...

My friend Auggie put on a giant jersey and made a movie, and the least I can do is post it here to share with my half dozen readers. Included is the rant that started an argument with John Ratzenberger and kept Auggie off of Last Comic Standing this year.

I don't know how what you do if you find that your house has an Auggie infestation. Do you have to spray? I think if you take all the beers out of the icebox it might take care of itself.