Self-Awareness at the Crystal Ballroom

Once in a lifetime, you'll see a photograph which expresses the true nature of your soul, and it will scare the shit out of you. Here's mine.

Who are you?

They really want to know.

Let this be seen as a lasting treaty between France and Great Britain.

Mama, There's a Dead Homosexual in My Mouth!

For some reason, I feel the need to keep my page updated on current grocery store products. I am now the proud owner of a new toothbrush that sings Queen's "We Will Rock You" to me for two minutes, the minimum amount that you should brush for optimum oral hygiene: Tooth Tunes.
The song plays *through the bristles and straight into your head cavity* with all the amazing surround-sound quality of an AM radio that comes in a pen. I wanted to brush well, because I have recently had my teeth shrink-wrapped like my grandmother's couch, to preserve them for future generations.
If Queen is not gay enough for you, the toothbrush also comes in YMCA flavor. Also, you can get a cover of Katrina and The Waves' "Walking on Sunshine", so every time your kid brushes his teeth, the bass player from the Soft Boys gets a nickel for writing it.

If I were to pick a Soft Boys song for an electric toothbrush to play, it would be this one.
The Soft Boys – Positive Vibrations

Very strange postscript: After a couple of weeks of using my Queen toothbrush, my teeth are sparkling clean, and hearing "We will Rock You" makes me think about brushing my teeth.

Just What?

I don't think that this kind of intolerant baking product has any place in a post-Imus political landscape, do you?

Russophilia!

If an Anglophile loves English people and culture, and a Sinophile loves Asian people and culture, what is the word for Mary Murphy? She's the judge who hysterically screams on So You Think You Can Dance, and she was seen smooching Season 1 Russian hottie Artem Chigvinsev during Season 2, but has moved on to Season 2 Russian hottie Dmitry in the third week of Season 3.

In related news, the only reality television show worth watching, So You Think You Can Dance, is back on the air.

Convergence Playlist 2

In which someone makes me switch out a working sound system for a non-working one for no reason, and an hour passes in a blur of crinoline and liquor. How can I still be hungover?

DJ Retrogade and Retrovirus: Convergence Playlist 1

One hour of nonstop action, and a signoff dedication to the evil Dr. Bennington and the patient and genteel Nurse Whatley. And now, pictures of me in a skull face and a bustle.

I'm a pretty...dolly?Little dogs specifically do not like wearing tiny hats, although they are perfectly suited to one another.

Convergence 13

OK, be fair: It's really not as bad as this. But it's not that much better, either. Today I saw a magic recipe of top hat/frock coat/mourning trousers/WHITE SNEAKERS, and I had to wonder what's going on in the world.

For example: here is the last doomed child soldier of WWII. No-one has told him that the war is over, or that he is seventy years old and long-dead.
The lovely Kat deflected my admiration of her costume, claiming that it was just the dress she cleans the toilets in. Her website is beautiful and amusing as well.






The quality of the gentlemen at the event is disputable.









But then, the women have questionable judgement.







It's a fair question- why get dressed for an hour to go someplace and stand around in the dark? And did you know that the slang for goths in Mexico is "Darks?" It's kinder than my favorite euphemism, "Dark Dorks".


On the good side, we did get to see an amazing acrobatic troupe called Kazum.


And here's the backside view, which is also pleasant.



The man on the left is part general,
part bird.

This man on the right was imprisoned for five years, but spent his time writing his diary on a dinner jacket.

Two days in, questions still abound: Why are giant platform boots still necessary? Are big girls in corsets really fooling anyone? Why did Nivek Ogre perform entirely behind a scrim? Are the rumors true that it was really Clay Aiken filling in for the lead singer of Skinny Puppy?

I love you, Clay Aiken.

Everything that Rises Must Go To Convergence

DJ's Retrograde and Retrovirus have received their DJ slots for Gothic Convergence 13:

Thursday, May 24th: The Fez: 8-9
Monday, May 28th: The Fez: 8-9

There are a lot of good things about playing the opening slots on weeknights. You get to deal with any technical difficulties with the setup yourself. You don't have to stay up too late. You don't have to worry about overcrowding on the dance floor. You can be sure that no-one else has played the "I'm Dead, I'm Dead" song. On the other hand, getting in a car with a face fulla clown white in the cruel, truthful sunlight is always a time for soul-searching and remorse.

I hope any spooky early birds will come visit us at the Fez, opening and closing the convention! We'll be serving up a delicious selection of little-heard deathrock, post-punk, and new-wave songs to nostalgically transport listeners to a time before they were born. See the whole event schedule here.

Postscript: It was a ton of fun, by which I mean it was a most dark and magickal time nestling in the bosom of my velvet-clad mistress, and I'll have the playlist up later.

Adventures in the Little Apple- Manzanita!

Every dog dreams of the day she'll ride in a Volvo to the beach at Manzanita.

Chico Jones can't wait!

Sometimes, a small French bulldog takes time to reflect on the beauty and impermanence of life and its shifting, ever-changing sands. Also, they like to examine dead crabs and birds on the beach.

A beautiful, mystical morning on the Oregon coast! Moments after this, a ghost pirate ship sailed by.

We are tired now.