New Year's Eve!

Article from The Comedians Magazine

Well, I'm honored to be included in New York's finest all-comedy magazine, The Comedians. I'm in the same issue as Larry Miller! I learned a lot of interesting things, such as, I'm 30. Just like Chelsea Handler! It's cute.

Virginia Jones

written by Kelly Mackin

Standing in front of the crowd. Making them laugh. Having all of their attention on you. When a comic hits the road, it’s where he or she thrives, where they are most comfortable. Then there are shows, like the one Portland, Oregon comic Virginia Jones experienced her rookie year in nearby Medford:

“In this ‘venue’,” she recalls, “there was a microphone stand on stage. Behind it was this shiny brass pole! As I walked on, I asked, ‘Is this what I think it is?’ A second later, a guy in the back yells, ‘Yes! That’s where the pretty girls dance!’ I had to call my mom. I asked her, ‘Mom, am I pretty?’ She said to me, ‘Honey, you are unique.’”

Some people become famous because they want fame more than anything else in the world. They reform and repackage themselves into whatever idea they think will make them appealing. They sell whatever parts of themselves people will purchase, like a personal pawnshop where everything’s for sale.

Not Virginia Jones.

A transplanted Texan who’s found a home here in the Pacific Northwest, Jones is a 30 year-old comic who’s now three years past her first open mic. In her act, she exhibits cares in what she says, taking her time to relate an idea. A famous professor once said that speakers of English get anxious after five seconds of silence. That’s just the rest note between the beats for Jones.

You can find her on YouTube where one of her segments features her dealing with an unlikely heckler at a show in Austin, her mother. We’ve all been to homecomings, but it’s rare when we have to good naturedly joke, as Virginia did, in front of a crowd, “Mother, I love you. But if you step on my punchline again I will punch you in the face.”

“Most people heckle because they think it will help,” says Virginia, “or because they want the attention. Hecklers don’t bother me very much and I think it’s a mistake to get upset with them. My mother heckled me simply because she didn’t realize that it was something she should not be doing. ”

According to her website, badinia.com, Virginia was the first runner-up in the Portland Amateur Comedy Contest in 2007, was a finalist in the 2008 Comedy Knockout, and is a biomass made mostly of carbon.

Seeing her live, you notice how she is tall, pretty, and has a lot of stage power. “The first time I saw her do comedy,” says comedian Jessa Reed, “was at a show we did together in 2008. She killed. She stood up against men with bad feet wearing sandals. It moved me. I was convinced that she was always trying out new material on me, but I come to find out she just really is that funny.”

It took several weeks to interest Virginia in an interview. She just didn’t seem interested. But at last, she told me about a show she was doing up in Washington. So I drove up The Five to a beer hall/ comedy club called Peter Pipers at an I-5 truckstop, about a third of the way to Seattle. It was an inauspicious location. But the town was well-lit and clean, much to my surprise.

During the course of the night, she showed she clearly loved being in the presence of other comics, finding acceptance and support. As Jessa noted, “Virginia appreciates the talent and doesn’t have to compete.”

As much as comics rate each other and audiences rate comics, comics rate audiences. Virginia was asked about her favorites.
“My favorite gig is the Women’s Comedy Festival in Eugene Oregon,” Jones says. “It’s just the most supportive audience. I pick up so much energy from that.”

“My least favorite comedy venues are goth clubs. I mean, they are way too cool to actually laugh.” She chuckles. “I once did a regular gig at a club and four goth friends showed up. The entire place was in tears and they just sat there, with their goth clothes and makeup. It’s just not part of the goth culture to laugh. That’s just the way they are!”

Over Lunch at Nell’s Café in Portland, she revealed herself as sensitive and clear headed, intense and sweet. I asked her about what fuels her interest in comedy. She said, “I was a blue state woman who grew up in a Red State: Texas. What more do you need
to know?”

“I used to have a Keep Abortion Legal sticker on the back of my car when I lived in Texas,” says Jones. “People used to try to peel them off, or deface them. They would rip it so that it said Keep Abo Lega. I’d just put another one back on there. Then one day, a truck on the road started bumping me from behind. I moved over and they kept doing it, even heading around a cul-de-sac. They were trying to run me off the road. They were trying to kill me. People in Texas are different. You say something, it gets transformed. They hear something different. You say, ‘feminist’ and they hear, ‘Lesbian serial killer. It’s just how they’re wired. I came to Portland and I said, ‘I feel like I found my people. I’m no longer the outsider.’”

To some, expressing an opposing point of view is a statement of rebellion. In Virginia’s case, it’s more a state a mind; useful in surprising a crowd that doesn’t know what to expect next. She’s married to experimental musician Thomas Jones, a decision her mother was against at the time. Virginia recalls with laughter and irony why that no longer bothers her. “They (her parents) were both divorced. Really divorced.”

Jessa Reed adds, “Virginia says horrible things about Paris Hilton that make me laugh. But when every other woman comic in our age group is telling jokes about her kids, Virginia will give you twenty minutes on why babies are not where it’s at. And it’s hilarious.”

“Sure. I don’t like babies,” says Jones. “People go gaga for babies. That’s fine. But that’s not me. I don’t want to be a mother. I’m fine with that. I wanted my husband to do the surgery, and he didn’t want to. Besides, it might make him sleep around.” She smiles.

Virginia strikes one as aloof at first. But that’s an essential part of what makes her an interesting comic. Her timing is unique. It’s legato, a slow waltz, like cool jazz. If you recognize the humor in jazz, then you know what I mean. She also has a strong variation in dynamic range, going from whispers to loud; all for effect. She usually takes the time to breathe while smiling at you like she knows she has a gift for the audience. If you listen to a lot of comedy, you think, “this is different. It’s compelling.”

One of Jones’ keynote riffs involves her mom’s dating and how mothers and daughters relate as grown-ups. “My Mom has started dating on seniorsmeet.com, which is THE place to go if you want to date my mother. She’s an attractive lady in her 60’s. She’s got 12 cats. She likes Motown. She’s a Baptist and lives in a small town in Texas. Contact me. I’ll get you in touch with her. [Laughter.] She was writing me all the time about this guy that she met up there, ‘He’s so hot. He’s so hot!’ So she sent me a picture of him. Uh, hmmm. We are operating with very different definitions of hot!”

Kelly Mackin is a writer from Portland.

For more on Virginia, visit www.badinia.com

See the whole shebang here.

Your Love is a Supernatural Thing

Listen, I know you like me, and I like you, and you wish we could be together all the time, but we can't. This is a hard fact of life. You've got your job and your family, and sometimes I'm in telling jokes in a casino or a bar & grill. Enter the good people at the Coghlan mint: artist 2nd Coming made this picture of me, her favorite Portland stand-up, and has made it available for the general public at Etsy.com.

Portland Area Comedy Open Mikes!

I have had some questions lately about where people can see free and enjoyable local comedy, or where they should go to perform some, and although I try hard not to have anything useful on this page, I am too lazy to write things down for people and would like to have something on the internet.

Monday Nights: Boiler Room with Kevin Michael-Moore, 503-227-5441. NW 3rd and Davis.

This is the longest-running open mic in Portland. It is seven years old. Sign-up is at 9, the show is from 9:30 to 11:30, or earlier, karaoke follows! Kevin Michael-Moore is an amazing emcee. I like it there. Kevin keeps the chitchat to a minimum. This mic is not running tomorrow, the 28th, but it will be back soon!

Tuesday Nights: Suki's, at SW 4th and Carruthers. 9:30-12:00. Host Dax Jordan, 503-226-1181.

This is a fun room in the dive bar in the basement of Travelodge. The comics believe that sitting in the small cul-de-sac room is the same thing as being in a soundproof shark cage. Dax is skilled and funny, and this is the hands-DOWN best place to be ignored by your friends in the shark cage while they talk about who threw up in whose car, and also who has pot.

Dante's, W Burnside and 2nd. Rochelle Love is giving Dante's another shot at comedy from 7:30 to 9:30 on Tuesdays! No cover!

Wednesdays: A new biweekly mic is starting at the Krakow Cafe and Pub at 3990 N. Interstate- running from 8-11, hosted by Tim Hammer! Email krakowcafe.cafe1@gmail.com to sign up! The next one is March 10!

Thursdays:
Mt. Tabor Theatre! 9PM! Whitney Streed's very popular Freak Show Comedy books ahead of time! Please write her at streed.jokes@gmail.com to reserve your performance slot! 503-235-8021!

Fridays:
Our improv friends at the Brody Theatre at 16 NW Broadway have been rocking an occasional open mic! Call them for details at 503-224-2227!

Sunday Nights:

Sunday Nights at 7PM at The Copper Rooster 5837 E.Burnside St Starts Feb 14th Free Beer for Comics ! Free Cheeseburger to
the Night's Best Comic. Sign ups @ 6:30PM MUSTY'S BACK BABY !!!!!!

A biweekly Sunday night mic at 9PM at the beautiful Curious Comedy Theatre on MLK, hosted by myself! 5225 NE MLK! The next one is Sunday, March 14th. In this venue, several feature comics open the show, and it's free to the public! I may throw projectiles at people whose jokes I don't like. Fair Warning.

The LAST SUNDAY of the MONTH is the Women's and Trans mic at the Krakow, with host Whitney Streed! The next one is March 7th!

I'm Feeling Weird

Apparently, I'm going to be on a 30 hour telethon this weekend, for charity! During the daytime! On the internet! I've got slots from 11:00 to 11:30 and at 3PM, with the Curious Comedy sketch troupe!

Time Travel

I was trolling for myself on PIPL, which is THE place to find out if your blind date has a history of sex offenses, and found, lurking on the internet, a ten year old treatise on rabbit-hating. I really think it's just as true today.

12.30.99

Rabbits are Bad: A Poem By Melissa Favara

Dear Miss Favara;

I am a representative of a group called H.A.R.E., Hate A Rabbit Evokation. Our group tries to educate the public: rabbit references in literature, art, and film are undesirable in the extreme. Far from their cleverly honed public image as cute, silent, harmless animals, egg-gifting, carrot-nibbling cuties, rabbits are in fact fearsome, tusked and armored beasts that roam the midwestern plains in search of toddlers to eat. Your poem's assertion that you should talk to them represents a public health and safety hazard . However, I find that I still liked the poem, once I had thoroughly exised the word "rabbit" with liquid paper. Unfortunately, I can barely see anything on my monitor these days. Oh, will this be displayed on the Internet? Oh, Rabbits.

Eat! My! Shorts!

I have now watched Breakfast Club for my personal jillionth time. I still think it's a movie that holds up over the years, but I have the following questions about the “Happy” ending.

1. Molly Ringwald is overjoyed to have started a relationship with a commitmentphobe alcoholic with rage problems, who screams and stabs desks with knives. Great. I don't have to point out that every teenage girl who watches this film is in love with John Bender. Apparently, we want to spend our adult years in probation hearings and Al-Anon meetings. Hot. A girl who goes out with nerdy Brian has a life of high-end Silicon Valley condo-living ahead of her, and anyone who winds up with Andy will just watch him gain weight after he tears his ACL wrestling but continued to eat a bag of groceries at every meal.


2. Emilio Estevez winds up with a fantasist kleptomaniac pathological liar who showed up to detention because she had nothing better to do, which is like if I showed up at a prison to do time for no reason. He is also overjoyed.

2a. What, is that white shit she’s wearing supposed to be her underwear? She’s wearing frilly long johns underneath her outfit like she’s a Mormon? What is her hair tied back with, her panties?

Discuss.

All Hail Baby Ketten!

I can't keep my love a secret anymore. I can't hide my love away! Among the many things that make Portland awesome, there is a karaoke organization called Baby Ketten that is rocking the best book in the business! You think your karaoke has a good book? Seriously- suck it. Have you ever wanted to sing Siouxsie Sioux's apocalyptic lullaby, Metal Postcard? Probably not, but I did, and I sang it at Baby Ketten! Bauhaus' Kick in the Eye? Think you can keep an audience through Pulp's bump and grind classic, This is Hardcore? Find out! Do you think singing Laid by James will get a singalong going? Can you handle Tori Amos' Crucify? Do you think you can step to The Strangler's Peaches? Holy crap, this is a great book, and the crowd and KJ's are all wonderful people. You can talk to them on their Facebook event page: Baby Ketten

NEW VENUE: Tuesdays at Mississippi Pizza Pub! At 9! Hey, they have a vegan pizza and a full bar, sounds like rock and roll goodtimes!

Wednesdays at The Woods, at 6637 Milwaukie Avenue in Sellwood! Karaoke starts at 9:30, come early for the FOTH show!




OK, to whet your whistle, here are just a HANDFUL of the items available for singin':

Metal Postcard*Siouxsie and the Banshees*Killing Moon*Echo and the Bunnymen*Senses Working Overtime*XTC*Each Man Kills The Thing He Loves* Gavin Friday*Quiet Life*Japan*This Charming Man*The Smiffs*Replacements*Alex Chilton*Nick Cave*Red Right Hand*Proclaimers*Sunshine on Leith*Beats International*Dub Be Good To Me*Belle and Sebastian*Funny Little Frog*Joy Division*Atmosphere*Nine Inch Nails*Something I Can Never Have*Pixies* No. 13 Baby*Beautiful South*Rotterdam*Pulp* This is Hardcore

You like singin'? THIS is hardcore!

The first night at the Woods was a jam-packed, scintillating media event- the venue used to be a funeral home, and it feels a little like singing in a friend's living room. Full of GHOSTS!
A Baby Ketten favorite brought the crowd to its feet by singing a Turandot aria in an AC/DC shirt. That is the magic of Baby Ketten.

An article on Herself from Digital City, courtesy of Corn-Mo!

By Corn Mo


Some comedians who try to be edgy aren't because there's nothing there, nothing to pull from. And then there's Virginia Jones.



She has a laundry list of experience to draw from: a boxing instructor, a swing dance teacher, a waitress, a DJ, a designer of country and western apparel, a sales clerk at JCPenney and now apparel development for Nike. Also, she was once the only vegetarian assistant manager at Jack-In-The-Box. And now she's talking to me.

How long have you been doing stand up?
I have been doing stand-up for almost four years! It will be four in May 2010. My first open mic was 5/29/06, and that can be heard here and is delightfully rough and awful:


It was a magical evening, I went up at 11:30 or so, and my set was interrupted by a gentleman in a suit who had been smoking crack in the bathroom all night, and a drunk comic who put a flashlight down my shirt and laid down on the floor and took his own clothes off.

I got to do a little time in NYC in October at a club called Eastville, which was described to me as "a club so shitty, you could get time there!" and it was accurate! I was glad to get the time, though.

Were you recently in a rock opera?
We just closed 5 runs of Chariots of Rubber, a hair metal musical about best friends, love, and demolition derby. We called it a rock opera sometimes but it wasn't really, because there were spoken parts in it. It was written by Jeffrey Wonderful (words and lyrics) and "Private" Mike Albano (music.) It was in pre-production for three years and rehearsal for (I shit you not) a year. Everyone involved was kind of from the rock world rather than theatre, so we kind of puzzled through it together. It was really great.

I played Cindy, a race driver cum hooker. My favorite scene is where I got to sing a song to my boyfriend's head, which has unfortunately come off in an accident.

Do you have a good heckler story?
This may or may not be a cheat. I was in Austin, Tex. for a comedy festival, which was a great time, and I was excited to perform for my mother and sister, who had never seen me onstage. I was the "headlining" standup lady, (it was a mix of improv, standup, and sketch) so I got twenty minutes of stage time, during which my mother heckled me unmercifully. Obviously, she did not mean it in a negative way, but she just didn't understand that the silence inbetween the setup and the punch is important. And she didn't stop! Ever! Yelling out where I was born, facts relevant and irrelevant- even when I threatened to punch her in the face. After the show, people told me they thought we were hilarious and thought that she was a plant.

I don't generally get heckled – I have shut some people down, but it's never been too involved. It's generally people who think they're helping, or who are so excited to be out of their houses and drunk that their thoughts come tumbling out of their mouth.

Tell me your favorite joke.
"I can't think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they're dead." -Laura Kightlinger

Who are your five favorite comedians?
Eddie Izzard. Bill Hicks. Steve Martin. Paul F. Tompkins. Woody Allen.

I am struggling with wanting to put a lady on the list and my lady hero is Elayne Boosler, but it would have to be in her strongest period, 1980-1985, or thereabouts. My top five ladies are Elayne Boosler, Tina Fey (not really a standup), Maria Bamford, Paula Poundstone (improv genius) and Jen Kirkman.

What are you currently reading?
I am reading a book called Hip: The History by John Leland, which traces underground/outsider culture from jazz to modern day. It is pretty cool. I have always been interested in the cool kids and alternative culture.

I have started re-reading Infinite Jest by dead guy David Foster Wallace and I will be done with it by Xmas 2010. It annoys me that his writing is so dense and creative, and yet Dave Eggers lives on. Where the Wild Things Are was good, though.

What are you currently listening to?
Ha- HAAA! Last couple of days I have been listening to, pretty much nonstop, the Harold and Maude soundtrack of Cat Stevens songs that I have assembled on Itunes. If you want to sing out, sing out! This makes sense in context, though, because sometimes the funniest people are also the saddest people. My favorite artists are Nick Cave and Robyn Hitchcock, both of whom I find desperately funny.

Who or what inspires you?
I am inspired by my interactions with other people, and telling stories and hearing stories told. Most of my jokes grow out of things that I say spontaneously to friends, or that grow out of conversations and real-life, and I love storytelling and bull***tting. Yay! Bull***tting = technical term!

You can keep up with Virginia Jones via her website: http://www.badinia.com/

Full article here: http://www.digitalcity.com/2009/11/23/the-rock-opera-and-comedy-stylings-of-virginia-jones/

COMEDY PREVIEW!

Brothers and Sisters;

It is a fun-filled weekend, I am filling my Jetta with fun-loving hookers and heading to Eugene, OR to tell jokes about lady parts, but on Sunday I return with a VERY SPECIAL Curious Comedy Open Mic.

Your Feature Perfomers are:

The Dutch Treats, a.k.a. John Freeman, a one-man band famous in Dallas,TX and Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I have been a fan of their work for 19 years. He has agreed to come out of his candy shell for ONE NIGHT at Curious Comedy to ROCK THE HOUSE!

Lisa Myers, a PNW girl who has been rocking San Francisco for the last coupla years. She is a bucket of crass and sass that I am very pleased to present.

We'll be following up with the usual assortment of pro, am, and mentally ill performers. Scott Rogers is supposed to come out, as well as Buck Silverton, local sex addict. Please come out and join us at The Curious Comedy Theatre, 9 PM at Alberta and MLK!

All My Funny Ladies

It's happening! The fourth annual, headed by the inimitable Leigh-Anne Jasheway-Bryant!

Keep Portland Funny at Kelly's Olympian Wednesday!

Def'n: HAIRLOAF

Hairloaf: N: The hairstyle that happens when all of the hair is perched in an oblong manner on top of the head, ready to attack. SEE ALSO: Nitzer Ebb.

Believe- A Documentary on Eddie Izzard

I first saw a version of this trailer in 2004, as the working title Diva 51. Looks like it's finally coming out as Believe, in very limited release in London, LA, and New York. I sure hope I get to see it. When I was searching for information about the original rumored release date, I ran across a 5 year old post by myself on Tribe (hey burners! remember Tribe?). I don't know if it's upsetting or comforting that I have such persistence of vision.

Increasingly, after years of fandom, the thing that most impresses me about Eddie is not his wit. It's the single bloody mindedness with which he approaches everything. He's taught himself comedy on the streets of Camden to become a fracking phenomenon. He's a stocky transvestite who's forced Hollywood to accept him. He ran 43 marathons in 50 days on six weeks of training (translation: no training.) He can do anything he believes he can do, and he believes he can do anything.

Postscript: I was glad to get to see this movie in NYC while we were there. It contains some amazing footage of his early act and peers, street performances, and standup, information about his comedy club in the West End, and also some recent backstage footage of his prep and method (and lots of loving shots of sponsor M.A.C. cosmetics). What again impresses me about Eddie is the many times he tried, and failed, to be the world's best standup comedian, until the time he succeeded. People call him a genius, and maybe he is, but he's a genius covered in scars and bruises from the many times he threw himself at the wall and didn't stick. He's my goddamned hero.

I've Been Meaning to Tell You About Chaircuts!

One of the many fantastic features of the WFMU record show was the Chaircuts of Nelson Loskamp- wherein a volunteer is sat in a chair, has his or her eyes and mouth taped, and is given a haircut with scissors wired through a selection of guitar pedals and a mini-amp strapped to the artist's back, so that the haircut made music. The music sounded like the harmonic guitar scrapes from an early-80's Cure record, and after a few minutes of it a cranky New York guy came and yelled about how loud it was. There is no activity that can be pursued in the greater New York area that will not involve an older guy yelling at you about the volume. After the Chaircut, the volunteer is brushed off, their haircut is deemed attractive, and his or her hair is collected for posterity. Or Voodoo. Not clear. The Chaircut has been exhibited in the London Bienniale, Amsterdam, the DUMBO neighborhood of Brooklyn, and, I presume, at the artist's house.

Anyway, it was super-neat!

Famous Mysterious Actor Appears Tonight, And So Do I!

Salutations, Studio-audience Stalwarts!!

It's time once again to join check out The Famous Mysterious Actor Show at Curious Comedy Theater, Famous' permanent digs!!

This month's guests include:

Virginia Jones!

Broccoli Man!

Don't be the one who missed this crazy conglomeration of creative chaos!!!

Curious Comedy Theater
5225 NE MLK (between Alberta & Killingsworth)
(503) 477-9477

This Wednesday - November 4th!
9pm Showtime
$10 admission
All Ages!!!
Bring the Kids and Grandparents!!
(no pants-crappers please)




HILARIOUS POSTSCRIPT TIME:

I love the Famous Mysterious Actor show (next show Dec 2nd!), and I genuinely had a great time, but my set went a little short, and this is why.

Before the show, the suave and talented producer, J.D., took me aside and told me that I would have five minutes of mic time, and that he would "light" me when my time was up. Allow me to take you behind the curtain. When a comic has an alotted time, which she always does, an emcee or producer will raise a flashlight, wave a phone, or lift a candle to indicate that it's time to wrap things up.

I was onstage, and I did a little shucking-and-jiving with Famous before I started telling jokes, and I was in medias res when I got the light from J.D., which was an amber light that turned towards me and then away. I thought that it seemed soon, but it was more important to me that the guys stay on time and that the show run smoothly than for me to do every single joke that I had planned on. I start going into my final joke, as I have been programmed to do in a Skinnerian manner. A few lines in, I get the light again. I nod at it, to indicate that I understand it's time for me to get offstage, and I finish my joke to some applause, and I sit on the couch to do panel.

I'm sitting on the couch, and I get the light again.

Peering into the darkness, I see that a woman is using a camera that, instead of flashing a white light, points an amber light at the performers onstage. Perhaps it is taking a sepia photograph. I do not know. I do not care. This means that 1.) I have gone short on my time for no reason and that 2.) At some point onstage, I nodded knowingly at a woman who was taking my photograph, whom I now dislike.

Yaaayy! And later, J.D. slipped on Ethiopian food (that had recently been thrown at Cutter, whose suit was retired in the December show) and fell offstage. Serves him right for dressing as a woman and lighting me early.

Happy Halloween!

In my all-consuming desire to make increasingly weirder and less accessible Halloween costumes, this year I went as a can-can dancer from Toulouse-Lautrec's "At The Moulin-Rouge", despite my extreme distaste for the film in which Ewan McGregor tries to display how much he loves Nicole Kidman by demonstrating how big he can open his mouth.

A Very Greggy Halloween!

Hello and welcome. We would like to take you on a tour of Old Greggs from all over the internet. I am reposting this due to 200 people looking for Old Greggs on Badinia.com a day.

I'm not biased at all when I say that girls make the cutest Old Greggs. Absolutely darling, darling.

Cute Mangina, baby!

The exception that proves the rule.

I don't like to be negative, but this is deeply half-assed.

If you get high enough, you may think that you look like Old Gregg already.

All he knew for sure was that he was going to get drunk on Bailey's.

Are. You. Shitting. Me.

This...gives me nightmares. Look...if you're not man enough to commit to wearing leggings or tights, don't be Old Gregg. Nobody's forcing you, are they? This is incredibly non-committal.
Cleansing the palate with Old Gregg looking cute as hell in Aberdeen! Oh, this one's so good I'm loath to post it!

This kind of Old Gregg happens by accident, when you wake up in a pool of your own vomit and cassette tape.

This Gregg had the same problem that we did, with the necktie getting a little green. This is probably my favorite direction on the wig.

I am split on this one- I am not sure if he's really an Old Gregg or if he's just a drag Kermit.

Rather a lot of effort for a British dude.

Old Gregg kicks back with a beer and a paper after work.

This one's kicky and has a little attitude.

Old Gregg wants to show us his kitchen and farmhouse chairs.
A nice direction on the wig here!
At any rate, it's wonderful company to be in!

Postscript, 1/22/08: SHAMED!

OH MY LORD! Look at this- lookit the glove! This is Old Gregg by UK Costumer Amy Knight, who has also turned in some fantastic David Bowie reproduction costumes that have been used in BBC productions. She kicks ass, see her website here.


A lovely latecomer to the Gregg game is DJ Rhienna, who will blind you with science, and with her Mangina.



Met this very funny Gregg in Halloween '09 in front of the Someday Lounge. She not only had a nice Mangina, but had drawn an ape head on her jacket.

Got this AMAZINGLY terrifying twosome sent from Athens, GA- Fantastic look! Kind of a somber Hitcher.

Herr Mutter

For the enjoyment of my family and comedy bookers, here's some footage of me at Harvey's.

The Stranger thinks about the Famous Mysterious Actor

The very funny Lindy Wood wrote blurbs for all the comedy events at Bumbershoot, I particularly liked her take on FMA.

FAMOUS MYSTERIOUS ACTOR
The Famous Mysterious Actor is a frightening specter. It has long hair, like a woman, or a hippie. It has a high-pitched voice, like a woman. Or a wild bird of some kind that speaks human language. It has a thing about Pixi Stix, like most women, and it wears a mask like Eric Stoltz in Mask or Jim Carrey in Look Who's Masking Now. Or a Mexican. It is very mysterious. It comes from Portland. LW

NO! WHAT ABOUT PROM?

Iona, Andi's boss at Trax, and Duckie share a tiny prize

The Joneses had the best time evar geeking out on memorial John Hughes trivia with the lovely and talented Shan-Rock last Saturday, being quizzed about Ferris Bueller, Weird Science (a film about two young men who accidentally make a woman when all they are really looking for is web porn), Sixteen Candles, Breakfast Club, and Pretty in Pink. After a lifetime of wanting to be Andi from Pretty in Pink, it is clear to me now that I am her boss, Iona. Watching the film for the eleventy hundredth time, it is no longer clear to me why all the boys love Andi. She spends the whole movie either pouting or bitching. She laughs exactly once. But Iona? Applause, applause, applause! We won a tiny trophy and free drinks, which is the kind of prize we can use.

Baby Wants Pole

This grainy cel-phone pic has been passed around this week, originating on Gizmodo.com, and comments are flying about what a bad toy it is, and how parents are outraged:

Baby Wants Pole

It's fricking honest, is what it is. A cheerful pole dancer is the only female role model America really wants. That's why Miley Cyrus is on a pole. That's why Britney was on one when she was 18 and one second. We might be living through a third consecutive Republican White House if Sarah Palin had just dropped the facade and climbed a pole. These things don't come from nowhere and marketing doesn't lie. Feminism has fallen down gone boom and we all need to pick it the f*ck up again.

For one second, think about whether you, as a person with lady parts, have ever said "It's fun to go to the strip club an' get attention from the dancers!", or said "Those Suicide Girls seem pretty self-actualized, because having tattoos means you're your own person!" and realize that you might be part of the problem. Being comfortable with your own body and sexuality has gotten confused with being p*rn-positive and chauvinist-friendly to an uncomfortable degree. I'm not talking about suppressing freedom of expression, and I'm not saying you shouldn't do exactly what pleases you- I'm just saying, if you don't like the society we're living in, own your part in creating it.

Hey! Serious for a second! That was weird, huh.

Bill Hicks' Principles of Comedy

Lifted from www.thenerdist.com

BILL HICKS’ PRINCIPLES OF COMEDY

1. If you can be yourself on stage nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered.

2. The act is something you fall back on if you can’t think of anything else to say.

3. Only do what you think is funny, never just what you think they will like, even though it’s not that funny to you.

4. Never ask them is this funny – you tell them this is funny.

5. You are not married to any of this shit – if something happens, taking you off on a tangent, NEVER go back and finish a bit, just move on.

6. NEVER ask the audience “How You Doing?” People who do that can’t think of an opening line. They came to see you to tell them how they’re doing, asking that stupid question up front just digs a whole. This is The Most Common Mistake made by performers. I want to leave as soon as they say that.

7. Write what entertains you. If you can’t be funny be interesting. You haven’t lost the crowd. Have something to say and then do it in a funny way.

8. I close my eyes and walk out there and that’s where I start, Honest.

9. Listen to what you are saying, ask yourself, “Why am I saying it and is it Necessary?” (This will filter all your material and cut the unnecessary words, economy of words)

10. Play to the top of the intelligence of the room. There aren’t any bad crowds, just wrong choices.

11. Remember this is the hardest thing there is to do. If you can do this you can do anything.

12. I love my cracker roots. Get to know your family, be friends with them.

Chub-up-date!

Dear People;

I know it seems like Chariots of Rubber is all I write about these days, but that is largely because it is all I think about, or do. We are starting up again at the Interstate Firehouse on August 20th, running the 21st, 22nd, and at 6PM on the 23rd- and I will be playing Cindy, the Erotic Pleaser every night after Thursday. The show has new choregraphy, new films, a new theatre, and a new ending! It's more Chubber than ever before!

During last night's dress rehearsal, I was told my dress was not whorish enough, which has never happened to me before. Come out and see us! Ticket info and showdates here!

Love, Pleather, and Chariots of Rubber.

Conan must blow up Richard Bain's Car!

Bobby Hacker helps Portland's own very funny Richard Bain demonstrate to Conan O'Brien why his car must be destroyed. Please watch and vote!

Fourth Time's The Charm!

The Pacific Northwest Women's Comedy Festival (formerly the Oregon Women's Comedy Festival) is approaching its fourth and most awesome year yet. Featuring both established comics and newcomers, this year's show is certain to be more fun than a barrel of all-girl monkeys devoted to nothing but having fun!

The festival will be held this year at the Wildish Theater, Springfield, OR. Doors open at 6:30 for wine & beer, show starts at 7. Tickets are $25 and are available at accidentalcomic.com or by calling 541-688-1674.

This year's line-up:

Melody Dodd
Patrice Dotson
Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant (accidentalcomic.com)
Virginia Jones (www.badinia.com)
Sharon Lacey (sharonlaceycomedy.com)
Lisa Myers (bitchcomic.com)
Rylee Newton (myspace.com/ryleenewton)
JeanAnn O'Brien (hahasisterhood.com)
Emily Richman
Whitney Streed (myspace.com/ca_femme_emancipee)
Sarah Ulerick

Headliner:
Susan Rice ~ myspace.com/sricearoni