As Curious As Ever

RabbitHighFiveblue
Originally uploaded by badinia.dones

I'm proud to announce the one-year anniversary of my open mic at Curious Comedy Theatre this Sunday, June 13th. I know that not every mic lasts a year, and I'm proud and privileged to be the host of this one.

Awards will be given, jokes will be told, and fun will be had. Please come join me!

Can You Feel It? Bridgetown!

BRIDGETOWN COMEDY FESTIVAL returns for its triumphant third year in April, from the 22nd-25th! The comic's roster and other details will be released this Monday! Please follow @bridgetowncomedy on TWITTER for the inside scoop on the festival and all the wonderful happenings! BLOCK OUT YOUR CALENDAR AND START STOCKPILING UNDERPANTS, because this festival will have you wetting your pants night after night! Comics come down from El Lay, See Attle, Noo Yawk City, and all other points!

The Portland Mercury makes me feel special!

They picked tonight's show at the Egyptian Room as the "thing" to do tonight. Well, thank you!

America's Got Talent! Apparently!

I was offered a private audition for America's Got Talent in Portland, and although I don't do anything with dogs, farts, or fire, I thought I might as well do it. The Friday before the show, there was a rumor that a booker would turn up at the Bagdad to check out our talent, and local comics were fighting like crabs in a pot for spots in the showcase, and in a Waiting for Guffman moment, the booker showed up at Harvey's instead and offered me a private audition time, which I already had.

It was cool sweeping past the THOUSANDS of f*ckers on the outside. One of the PA’s was the talent scout who had talked to me at Harvey’s, and it was kind of fun knowing someone “inside.”

It was good practice to do a 90 second set for four people in a brightly lit room.

They giggled. They said they enjoyed it. They didn’t stop me after my 90 seconds, so I did a closing bit. I don’t think I stand a chance with the barrage of hula-hoop competition teams and Chihuahuas on exercise balls. They don't need a dark, sarcastic girl comic, I don't think. And frankly, my family-friendly material peters out after 90 seconds.

A friend of a friend came up from SF to do the cattle call and was there from 8:30 AM to 7PM, and I got to visit the cattle call holding pen. I saw the wisdom behind not doing those calls, they just look like a bunch of crazy people. I saw a tiny Michael Jackson impersonator, a fat Elvis (really? You think they need a jumpsuited Elvis?), many many Sparkle Motion child dance troupes and cheerleading teams, fifty nurses in scrubs with a dance routine, and singers in Goodwill eveningwear. I had NO IDEA that there were so many people in the world, or that they were so talented. They had come from Salt Lake City, from Potter's Dick, Wyoming, and from Pig-Snout, Arkansas. Being in the room was like being in a tiny town where everyone was crazy.

In the prebooked section, I met a guy who has perfected conch shell playing, and a very cute tap-dance trio (The Hot Shot Tap Dancers), and a popper from Seattle, and a harmonica player (they were all in my green room). I did not meet or see any other comedians. Since I was not carrying a guitar or an animal, I was widely assumed to be a singer.

All in all, not a bad way to spend a Sunday morning.

I Slept Like Shit And I Have The Graph To Prove It

It is a strange comfort to me that Iphone Sleep Cycle app recorded that I woke up three times last night. I didn't really "wake up" on my own, the other member of my family is operating on some sort of group insomnia campaign. He doesn't like to be awake and unhappy on his own, so he woke me up to ask if I knew where the melatonin was, to curse at the dog, and to let me know that he still wasn't sleeping.
This is a bastardization of the true purpose of the Sleep Cycle app. What my phone wants to do is keep track of when I'm closest to waking up (through recording my movement during the night) and play me a song, so I can wake up refreshed from my lightest phase of sleep and feel ready to attack the day, and not in the throes of that dream where my Dad is a cross-dressing Hitler. Nobody cares but my telephone. Also, everybody's got something to hide but me and my monkey.

Happy Lupercalia!

Otherwise known as the festival of dog f*cking!

It Serves Me Right

After writing a smart-assed post about ways to deliver backhanded compliments to other comics, I went on the road for the week and got my own back. If you hang out long enough at the club, you'll see people's excitement levels drop precipitously. The people who really liked you will come talk to you about it immediately, and then the people who kind of liked it will say something, and at closing time people who didn't really care for it will feel compelled to mention that they saw you or that they heard you were good.

I also got my favorites handed out in Lewiston, ID at MJ Barleyhoppers (yes, *that* MJ Barleyhoppers) : "I don't know what their problem was, I thought you were hilarious", and "Don't worry, they're too stupid to know how funny you were!"

This Is: Driving Excitement!

I saw this bumpersticker today: It reads "Don't let the car fool you. My treasure is in heaven!"

So, what have we got here?

1. Pride: Look at my nice car!
2. Avarice: I need money for nice things!
3. That most Christian of virtues: self-righteousness!
4. I'm going to Heaven, asshole!
5. My nice car doesn't even MATTER!
6. Maybe you can get this car after the Rapture, assuming it didn't get totalled while I was sucked into Heaven while driving Trevor to soccer camp!

Anyway, I've got to get back to work on my new Atheism decal, which is in the shape of a happy fish in bed on Sunday morning with a paper and a coffee.

Family Reunions!

After many years of searching, Echo and the Bunnymen's family found them in a Sunday supplement ad from Camera World, although the dog was unfortunately cropped. Yes, just like Pete DeFrietas. I'm so glad to see everyone back together.

I'm 37, I'm not old!

It's been awhile since I had a party, so I'm going to have singing (to Baby Ketten Karaoke, who have the best book in the business!) and drinking at my party next Friday.

Put some LAFFS in your HOLE! This Wednesday!

SEATTLE! Look out. For Christ's sake. I'm gonna be up there. Really soon. There's very little you can do to avoid it, except, I guess, not show up at Chop Suey on Madison at 9. But what fun would that be? I'm traveling with the always-odd Christian Van Wade. You can buy tickets here!

Emily Post-Punk

Politeness is important. Here are my favorite polite comments to offer, especially to stand-up comedians.

"You looked like you had a lot of fun up there!"
"Wow, you're really committed to that material!"
"You've got...a lot of energy."
"I don't care how many times I hear 'em, I love those jokes!"
"You got more laughs than it sounded like."
"That's right, screw 'em! You keep doing what YOU think is funny."
"You're so brave to get up and do that!"
"You...and I mean this...you do more with less than anyone in this scene!"
"I sure admire your persistence! Keep it up!"

New Year's Eve!

Article from The Comedians Magazine

Well, I'm honored to be included in New York's finest all-comedy magazine, The Comedians. I'm in the same issue as Larry Miller! I learned a lot of interesting things, such as, I'm 30. Just like Chelsea Handler! It's cute.

Virginia Jones

written by Kelly Mackin

Standing in front of the crowd. Making them laugh. Having all of their attention on you. When a comic hits the road, it’s where he or she thrives, where they are most comfortable. Then there are shows, like the one Portland, Oregon comic Virginia Jones experienced her rookie year in nearby Medford:

“In this ‘venue’,” she recalls, “there was a microphone stand on stage. Behind it was this shiny brass pole! As I walked on, I asked, ‘Is this what I think it is?’ A second later, a guy in the back yells, ‘Yes! That’s where the pretty girls dance!’ I had to call my mom. I asked her, ‘Mom, am I pretty?’ She said to me, ‘Honey, you are unique.’”

Some people become famous because they want fame more than anything else in the world. They reform and repackage themselves into whatever idea they think will make them appealing. They sell whatever parts of themselves people will purchase, like a personal pawnshop where everything’s for sale.

Not Virginia Jones.

A transplanted Texan who’s found a home here in the Pacific Northwest, Jones is a 30 year-old comic who’s now three years past her first open mic. In her act, she exhibits cares in what she says, taking her time to relate an idea. A famous professor once said that speakers of English get anxious after five seconds of silence. That’s just the rest note between the beats for Jones.

You can find her on YouTube where one of her segments features her dealing with an unlikely heckler at a show in Austin, her mother. We’ve all been to homecomings, but it’s rare when we have to good naturedly joke, as Virginia did, in front of a crowd, “Mother, I love you. But if you step on my punchline again I will punch you in the face.”

“Most people heckle because they think it will help,” says Virginia, “or because they want the attention. Hecklers don’t bother me very much and I think it’s a mistake to get upset with them. My mother heckled me simply because she didn’t realize that it was something she should not be doing. ”

According to her website, badinia.com, Virginia was the first runner-up in the Portland Amateur Comedy Contest in 2007, was a finalist in the 2008 Comedy Knockout, and is a biomass made mostly of carbon.

Seeing her live, you notice how she is tall, pretty, and has a lot of stage power. “The first time I saw her do comedy,” says comedian Jessa Reed, “was at a show we did together in 2008. She killed. She stood up against men with bad feet wearing sandals. It moved me. I was convinced that she was always trying out new material on me, but I come to find out she just really is that funny.”

It took several weeks to interest Virginia in an interview. She just didn’t seem interested. But at last, she told me about a show she was doing up in Washington. So I drove up The Five to a beer hall/ comedy club called Peter Pipers at an I-5 truckstop, about a third of the way to Seattle. It was an inauspicious location. But the town was well-lit and clean, much to my surprise.

During the course of the night, she showed she clearly loved being in the presence of other comics, finding acceptance and support. As Jessa noted, “Virginia appreciates the talent and doesn’t have to compete.”

As much as comics rate each other and audiences rate comics, comics rate audiences. Virginia was asked about her favorites.
“My favorite gig is the Women’s Comedy Festival in Eugene Oregon,” Jones says. “It’s just the most supportive audience. I pick up so much energy from that.”

“My least favorite comedy venues are goth clubs. I mean, they are way too cool to actually laugh.” She chuckles. “I once did a regular gig at a club and four goth friends showed up. The entire place was in tears and they just sat there, with their goth clothes and makeup. It’s just not part of the goth culture to laugh. That’s just the way they are!”

Over Lunch at Nell’s Café in Portland, she revealed herself as sensitive and clear headed, intense and sweet. I asked her about what fuels her interest in comedy. She said, “I was a blue state woman who grew up in a Red State: Texas. What more do you need
to know?”

“I used to have a Keep Abortion Legal sticker on the back of my car when I lived in Texas,” says Jones. “People used to try to peel them off, or deface them. They would rip it so that it said Keep Abo Lega. I’d just put another one back on there. Then one day, a truck on the road started bumping me from behind. I moved over and they kept doing it, even heading around a cul-de-sac. They were trying to run me off the road. They were trying to kill me. People in Texas are different. You say something, it gets transformed. They hear something different. You say, ‘feminist’ and they hear, ‘Lesbian serial killer. It’s just how they’re wired. I came to Portland and I said, ‘I feel like I found my people. I’m no longer the outsider.’”

To some, expressing an opposing point of view is a statement of rebellion. In Virginia’s case, it’s more a state a mind; useful in surprising a crowd that doesn’t know what to expect next. She’s married to experimental musician Thomas Jones, a decision her mother was against at the time. Virginia recalls with laughter and irony why that no longer bothers her. “They (her parents) were both divorced. Really divorced.”

Jessa Reed adds, “Virginia says horrible things about Paris Hilton that make me laugh. But when every other woman comic in our age group is telling jokes about her kids, Virginia will give you twenty minutes on why babies are not where it’s at. And it’s hilarious.”

“Sure. I don’t like babies,” says Jones. “People go gaga for babies. That’s fine. But that’s not me. I don’t want to be a mother. I’m fine with that. I wanted my husband to do the surgery, and he didn’t want to. Besides, it might make him sleep around.” She smiles.

Virginia strikes one as aloof at first. But that’s an essential part of what makes her an interesting comic. Her timing is unique. It’s legato, a slow waltz, like cool jazz. If you recognize the humor in jazz, then you know what I mean. She also has a strong variation in dynamic range, going from whispers to loud; all for effect. She usually takes the time to breathe while smiling at you like she knows she has a gift for the audience. If you listen to a lot of comedy, you think, “this is different. It’s compelling.”

One of Jones’ keynote riffs involves her mom’s dating and how mothers and daughters relate as grown-ups. “My Mom has started dating on seniorsmeet.com, which is THE place to go if you want to date my mother. She’s an attractive lady in her 60’s. She’s got 12 cats. She likes Motown. She’s a Baptist and lives in a small town in Texas. Contact me. I’ll get you in touch with her. [Laughter.] She was writing me all the time about this guy that she met up there, ‘He’s so hot. He’s so hot!’ So she sent me a picture of him. Uh, hmmm. We are operating with very different definitions of hot!”

Kelly Mackin is a writer from Portland.

For more on Virginia, visit www.badinia.com

See the whole shebang here.

Your Love is a Supernatural Thing

Listen, I know you like me, and I like you, and you wish we could be together all the time, but we can't. This is a hard fact of life. You've got your job and your family, and sometimes I'm in telling jokes in a casino or a bar & grill. Enter the good people at the Coghlan mint: artist 2nd Coming made this picture of me, her favorite Portland stand-up, and has made it available for the general public at Etsy.com.

Portland Area Comedy Open Mikes!

I have had some questions lately about where people can see free and enjoyable local comedy, or where they should go to perform some, and although I try hard not to have anything useful on this page, I am too lazy to write things down for people and would like to have something on the internet.

Monday Nights: Boiler Room with Kevin Michael-Moore, 503-227-5441. NW 3rd and Davis.

This is the longest-running open mic in Portland. It is seven years old. Sign-up is at 9, the show is from 9:30 to 11:30, or earlier, karaoke follows! Kevin Michael-Moore is an amazing emcee. I like it there. Kevin keeps the chitchat to a minimum. This mic is not running tomorrow, the 28th, but it will be back soon!

Tuesday Nights: Suki's, at SW 4th and Carruthers. 9:30-12:00. Host Dax Jordan, 503-226-1181.

This is a fun room in the dive bar in the basement of Travelodge. The comics believe that sitting in the small cul-de-sac room is the same thing as being in a soundproof shark cage. Dax is skilled and funny, and this is the hands-DOWN best place to be ignored by your friends in the shark cage while they talk about who threw up in whose car, and also who has pot.

Dante's, W Burnside and 2nd. Rochelle Love is giving Dante's another shot at comedy from 7:30 to 9:30 on Tuesdays! No cover!

Wednesdays: A new biweekly mic is starting at the Krakow Cafe and Pub at 3990 N. Interstate- running from 8-11, hosted by Tim Hammer! Email krakowcafe.cafe1@gmail.com to sign up! The next one is March 10!

Thursdays:
Mt. Tabor Theatre! 9PM! Whitney Streed's very popular Freak Show Comedy books ahead of time! Please write her at streed.jokes@gmail.com to reserve your performance slot! 503-235-8021!

Fridays:
Our improv friends at the Brody Theatre at 16 NW Broadway have been rocking an occasional open mic! Call them for details at 503-224-2227!

Sunday Nights:

Sunday Nights at 7PM at The Copper Rooster 5837 E.Burnside St Starts Feb 14th Free Beer for Comics ! Free Cheeseburger to
the Night's Best Comic. Sign ups @ 6:30PM MUSTY'S BACK BABY !!!!!!

A biweekly Sunday night mic at 9PM at the beautiful Curious Comedy Theatre on MLK, hosted by myself! 5225 NE MLK! The next one is Sunday, March 14th. In this venue, several feature comics open the show, and it's free to the public! I may throw projectiles at people whose jokes I don't like. Fair Warning.

The LAST SUNDAY of the MONTH is the Women's and Trans mic at the Krakow, with host Whitney Streed! The next one is March 7th!

I'm Feeling Weird

Apparently, I'm going to be on a 30 hour telethon this weekend, for charity! During the daytime! On the internet! I've got slots from 11:00 to 11:30 and at 3PM, with the Curious Comedy sketch troupe!

Time Travel

I was trolling for myself on PIPL, which is THE place to find out if your blind date has a history of sex offenses, and found, lurking on the internet, a ten year old treatise on rabbit-hating. I really think it's just as true today.

12.30.99

Rabbits are Bad: A Poem By Melissa Favara

Dear Miss Favara;

I am a representative of a group called H.A.R.E., Hate A Rabbit Evokation. Our group tries to educate the public: rabbit references in literature, art, and film are undesirable in the extreme. Far from their cleverly honed public image as cute, silent, harmless animals, egg-gifting, carrot-nibbling cuties, rabbits are in fact fearsome, tusked and armored beasts that roam the midwestern plains in search of toddlers to eat. Your poem's assertion that you should talk to them represents a public health and safety hazard . However, I find that I still liked the poem, once I had thoroughly exised the word "rabbit" with liquid paper. Unfortunately, I can barely see anything on my monitor these days. Oh, will this be displayed on the Internet? Oh, Rabbits.

Eat! My! Shorts!

I have now watched Breakfast Club for my personal jillionth time. I still think it's a movie that holds up over the years, but I have the following questions about the “Happy” ending.

1. Molly Ringwald is overjoyed to have started a relationship with a commitmentphobe alcoholic with rage problems, who screams and stabs desks with knives. Great. I don't have to point out that every teenage girl who watches this film is in love with John Bender. Apparently, we want to spend our adult years in probation hearings and Al-Anon meetings. Hot. A girl who goes out with nerdy Brian has a life of high-end Silicon Valley condo-living ahead of her, and anyone who winds up with Andy will just watch him gain weight after he tears his ACL wrestling but continued to eat a bag of groceries at every meal.


2. Emilio Estevez winds up with a fantasist kleptomaniac pathological liar who showed up to detention because she had nothing better to do, which is like if I showed up at a prison to do time for no reason. He is also overjoyed.

2a. What, is that white shit she’s wearing supposed to be her underwear? She’s wearing frilly long johns underneath her outfit like she’s a Mormon? What is her hair tied back with, her panties?

Discuss.

All Hail Baby Ketten!

I can't keep my love a secret anymore. I can't hide my love away! Among the many things that make Portland awesome, there is a karaoke organization called Baby Ketten that is rocking the best book in the business! You think your karaoke has a good book? Seriously- suck it. Have you ever wanted to sing Siouxsie Sioux's apocalyptic lullaby, Metal Postcard? Probably not, but I did, and I sang it at Baby Ketten! Bauhaus' Kick in the Eye? Think you can keep an audience through Pulp's bump and grind classic, This is Hardcore? Find out! Do you think singing Laid by James will get a singalong going? Can you handle Tori Amos' Crucify? Do you think you can step to The Strangler's Peaches? Holy crap, this is a great book, and the crowd and KJ's are all wonderful people. You can talk to them on their Facebook event page: Baby Ketten

NEW VENUE: Tuesdays at Mississippi Pizza Pub! At 9! Hey, they have a vegan pizza and a full bar, sounds like rock and roll goodtimes!

Wednesdays at The Woods, at 6637 Milwaukie Avenue in Sellwood! Karaoke starts at 9:30, come early for the FOTH show!




OK, to whet your whistle, here are just a HANDFUL of the items available for singin':

Metal Postcard*Siouxsie and the Banshees*Killing Moon*Echo and the Bunnymen*Senses Working Overtime*XTC*Each Man Kills The Thing He Loves* Gavin Friday*Quiet Life*Japan*This Charming Man*The Smiffs*Replacements*Alex Chilton*Nick Cave*Red Right Hand*Proclaimers*Sunshine on Leith*Beats International*Dub Be Good To Me*Belle and Sebastian*Funny Little Frog*Joy Division*Atmosphere*Nine Inch Nails*Something I Can Never Have*Pixies* No. 13 Baby*Beautiful South*Rotterdam*Pulp* This is Hardcore

You like singin'? THIS is hardcore!

The first night at the Woods was a jam-packed, scintillating media event- the venue used to be a funeral home, and it feels a little like singing in a friend's living room. Full of GHOSTS!
A Baby Ketten favorite brought the crowd to its feet by singing a Turandot aria in an AC/DC shirt. That is the magic of Baby Ketten.